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(540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet – magnums -I don’t think I’m tall enough for this ride
(913): No it wasn’t her, this girl had both hands.
(440): I just did the classiest thing ever.
(216): last time you said that you got Chlamydia.
(717): Can you believe The 5th Element didn’t get best fight scene in 1997?! I’m still bitter. 12 years later.
(1-717): Haha how do you remember that?
(717): HOW COULD I FORGET?!
(353): When I’m drunk and can’t pee, I sing my abc’s in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
(719): Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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(920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma…
(907): i hope chris hansen doesn’t have a boat
(843): Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
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(865): One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
(805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
(716): honey bunches of taint.
